Its All Fun and Games
by Velveteen Nightmare
Summary: Christine, Raoul, and Erik's fate all hinge upon...a game of Chutes and Ladders.


_Author's note: Dear reader, I wrote the following phan phic when I was 17.  I am now 23.   I thought this was fairly funny at the time and even wound up getting it published in the San Francisco Phan Newsletter eons ago.  There is an illustration done by a very talented artist somewhere on-line that goes with this phic.  If you remember me from the SF Phan Board, allow me to say "Hello!".   Also I do not own POTO or Chutes and Ladders (which is actually played without dice but…) or Monopoly.  Enjoy!_

Christine stood frozen for a moment listening to Erik's threats and Raoul's whimpering. She looked from one to another with a blank gaze.

Erik thundered. "Make your choice!"

Christine looked at him stupidly. "What choice?"

Raoul, ever helpful clued her in. "Darling, I believe he is referring to marrying him or not." He looked forlornly at the lasso that was around his neck, and added, "If you chose him I go home and drink large quantities of alcohol. If you chose not to marry him, I do believe he intends to hang me."

"Actually, the Punjab lasso will not hang you M. de Chagny. Instead you will endure death by strangulation." Erik said.

"Oh delightful." Raoul said somewhat unhappily. He wasn't quite sure what strangulation was, but he was fairly certain it wouldn't be any fun.

"Oh dear." Christine said wringing her hands. "Well this is indeed a difficult decision." She said lamely. "Well... I always think better over a board game. Who is up for Scrabble?"

"Oh! Could we play Monopoly? I get to be the shoe!" Raoul piped up.

"Splendid! Erik, do you have Monopoly?" Christine asked politely.

Erik blinked for a moment. "Christine..." he began slightly bewildered.

"Oh if you don't have Monopoly, Candy Land or something equally fun will be just as fine."

"I have Chutes and Ladders." Erik said now completely confused.

"Ohhhhh, I adore that game! Raoul, he doesn't have Monopoly. I'm sorry dear." Christine said.

"That's all right. Chutes and Ladders is a fun game."

Christine's face lit up. "Oh! Oh! I know! This game will decide whom I stay with!" she said elated. "Raoul dear, if you win this game I marry you. Erik dear, if you win this game I marry you and you can kill Raoul."

"Now wait just a minute..." Raoul said feeling he was somehow getting the worse end of this deal.

"Good thinking, Christine." Erik said taking the lasso off of Raoul's neck. "I wouldn't get too comfortable if I were Chagny." He said solemnly as Raoul sat down on the ground next to Christine.

"We'll roll to see who goes first." Christine said.

"Darling, how do we decide who rolls first to see who rolls to see who goes first? Raoul asked.

Christine frowned and put down the dice. "I'm not certain..."

"Oh for the love of... just throw the dice!" Erik said shaking his head.

So they rolled the dice. Christine rolled two fours, Erik a five and a one, and Raoul rolled snake eyes.

"Looks as if I go last," Raoul said cheerfully.

"Actually it looks as if you'll be the first of us to go." Erik said languidly.

Raoul paled a little and Christine patted him on the arm. "Really Erik, is that quite necessary?"

Erik merely shrugged.

After several minutes of playing Raoul had managed to hit the same chute every time he got within a few spaces of it. Erik on the other hand, managed to climb every ladder on the board. In fact it came down to what could have been his final roll... had he not hit the last chute on the board. After a few minutes of colorful curses the game resumed.

"Shoot! I hit another chute!" Raoul said pleased with his little rhyme as he made his game piece slide down the chute.

Christine laughed and clapped her hands. "That is too cute! 'Shoot! I hit another chute!'"

Erik wanted to kill Raoul more than ever if nothing else to stop the stupid puns and rhymes that seemed to grow freely in the boys mind like weeds. The fact that Christine seemed to think along the same lines... well there was something that didn't bear dwelling on.

"Well, I win!"

Raoul and Erik both looked at Christine who stood there grinning.

"What does that mean, Darling? We didn't cover what we would do if you won." Raoul said quietly switching his game piece with Erik's.

"Oh, I'll just let you boys finish it out." She said smiling.

"Sounds fine to me... WAIT a minute" Erik said staring at the board. "My piece was up there!"

Raoul kept his face deadpan. "What are you talking about?"

Christine added, "Really Erik, accusing Raoul of cheating." She frowned.

"My piece was up there, his piece was down here!" he said stubbornly.

"Oh Erik." Christine sighed. "I can't believe you would stoop to cheating at a board game!"

"I'm not the one who..." he trailed off no longer sure of himself.

"Roll! Roll your dice!" Raoul said cheerfully.

Erik rolled. He hit the same chute that had been Raoul's downfall for the past eight rolls.

"Bad luck." Raoul said smiling sweetly. He rolled and hit a ladder that brought him to the very top of the board.

"Bravo Raoul!" Christine said clapping.

"That does it!" Erik bellowed jumping to his feet.

Raoul got up hastily knocking game pieces all over the floor. "Uh, I do believe it is time for me to bid you a hearty 'Goodnight'" he said quickly backing up away from Erik.

"My word Erik, but that is incredibly rude of you!" Christine scolded. "Just because Raoul is winning..."

"HE CHEATED!" Erik bellowed.

"Did not." Raoul said trying to look hurt.

"Did too."

"Not not not not not not not not."

"Too, too... this is ridiculous!" Erik finally said exasperated.

"Really, Erik if you can't play nice..." Christine started.

"That does it! Get out!" Erik cried.

"What?" Christine asked still smiling.

"Leave! Go on, get! I've had all I can take of this insanity! Why on earth am I sitting here playing a board game with my archenemy in first place is beyond me!"

"Christine, what is an 'arch-enemy'?"

"Shut up! For the love of everything good and sacred _shut up, and leave_!" Erik begged falling to his knees. "You both obviously have all the intelligence of fruit flies, and I wish you all of the happiness in the world!"

"But we haven't finished out the game yet." Christine said slightly confused.

"I think he is fore-fitting the match." Raoul said taking Christine's arm. "Is that it?"

"Yes!" Erik said elated that this had managed to get through to at least one of them.

"Oh, then." Christine said. "Well goodbye then!"

"Goodbye, Au Revoir, Farewell, just GO." Erik said shoving the couple out the door.

Raoul looked over his shoulder. "He bought it." He said in a whisper. "Congratulations on a well thought out trick Christine!" he chuckled. Honestly now, who would actually be _dumb_ enough to seriously challenge him to a game of..." he trailed off as he noticed the vacant look in his future bride's eyes. Oh dear...

"What trick?" Christine asked.

"Oh Erik! Let's not be so hasty! A re-match! I call for a re-match... Erik? Are you there? You can't do this to me! _Erik_!"

THE END


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